When All Is Silent by Bella
When All Is Silent.
Hello, welcome to what lies beneath me
Welcome to what I am afraid to see
I have spent many hours staring into the mirror
But only to be blinded by my body and shape
I am desiring something that we all crave
But unlike you, I do not have the strength to say
I have spent my nights curled in a closet
Clinging to the walls, praying for all to fade away
A candle burning till the wick finally ends
I have curled up in a ball and clawed at my own skin
Praying that by morning I shall forgive and forget
My room is small but to me it is to big
And even though I sleep in my closet,
I still wish it was smaller then its size
I need to feel closed in, nothing gets in, nothing gets out
I need to feel safe, its a desiring I have tonight
There are pills in my purse and a bottle of regular Nyquil
Hidden up on top of my closets shelf
There’s Robtussin underneath my bed in a shoe box
And a pair of scissors in my drawer with my clothes and writing
They all keep calling out to me tonight
I haven't been able to keep a thing down that I have eaten
It hurts so bad, I just want to starve away my pain
I'm trying to forget and forgive, trying to let it go
But each day and night seems to start the same
With me in a ball all alone, crying and begging for a way out
And even in the loudest of moments I still feel lost
And even standing in a crowd of teenagers I still feel alone
It seems no matter where I turn, I feel as if I don’t belong
Where do I belong? Where shall I stay? Who will keep me now?
Now that I am fading farther and farther away.
All my friends ask me how I am. I tell them I'm good
I lie through my teeth, but no one ever notices
No one can see what I have covered up with clothes
With blankets and sheets and lies and happy eyes.
I do not wish to bring them down, I do not wish to hurt them
So I lie.
And I can't seem to find a way to bring myself back up
I feel as if the sheet of ice over me is suffocating me
And I hold my breath praying for death
When all is silent around me.
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