A Young Angel's Suicide Note (very Long But Please Read) by XDeathsXtragedy

Clicking through channels one day,
I came across late-breaking news,
A car had gone into a rushing river,
I hadn't ever thought it would be you.

It seems the care went straight through the guardrail,
At a speed that was as fast as light,
The cause was unknown, they were still investigating,
There might have been some fog that night.

It was a 16 year old, same as our age,
And then your picture flashed on the screen,
I fell to the floor staring blankly at the TV,
Hoping to God this is only a dream.

It then switched to live footage of the scene,
Of pulling the car out of the murky water,
Your parents standing on the sidelines,
They had just lost their only daughter.

The news caster had tears in her eyes,
As she said the latest report,
The alleged accident was intentional,
The silence was so deafening that I could hear every breaking heart.

You were clutching a letter in your pale hand,
The writing on the envelope had been slurred,
Though no drugs or alcohol had been involved,
There was no way you could read the words.

They said a brief synopsis of your entire life,
From Kindergarten up until Sophomore year,
Your parents said how happy you always were,
As your mother broke down into tears.

I turned off the television that moment,
I could not take the sadness anymore,
Any other time I would have called you to cry,
Thats when my heart started to get sore.

The next three days were pure hell,
People came by to say they were sorry,
The day of the funeral I barely dragged myself out of bed,
I didn't want to face the day that lay before me.

I didn't look like myself that day,
Mother said I looked like death,
Father said he didn't trust me to drive,
Though I wasn't the one who took her last breath.

The service was a closed-casket,
Since your body and face were distorted,
The water did a number on you,
I took a flower out of the bouquet and was subtly comforted.

I put the Peony in my hair,
And quietly looking around the church,
We always wanted to be in here,
And now we are, because you left the earth.

The preacher stood up at the pulpit,
And read a blood-stained note,
Quivering with every word said,
He read out loud the words you wrote.

"I tried as hard as I could,
But not even you could heal my pain,
It's time for me to fly in the clouds,
And you'll never see my face again.

Shaking as I write this letter,
I cannot take it anymore,
Please don't give me any sympathy,
When you find me bleeding on the floor.

I wish to not be resuscitated,
I've decided to leave, there's no turning back,
Everybody was well aware but ignored the fact,
That I've never wanted to stay here, and strength is what I lack.

I've been slitting my wrists for many years now,
And taking more pills than you'll ever know,
Wearing a mask that never comes off,
And crying tears which were never showed.

So long and goodnight to this cruel world,
I'm going to miss you very much,
But you see, there's better things out there,
And I've become numb to everyone's touch.

I'm getting woozy now,
I never wanted to hurt the person this is to,
But I need to let go of this life,
And there's one last thing to say to you.

The promises we made, the places we'd go,
Are still all very possible,
Because if you keep me in your heart and live out your dreams,
I'll always be there to follow."

Throughout the whole thing my eyes were closed,
But they popped open at those last words,
I was thinking about the plans we made,
It's almost as if my thoughts were heard.

The service went on, with the eulogy and such,
I heard some forced sobs,
But yet, no one knew you like I did,
It felt like a part of me had been robbed.

When it finally came to an ending,
They played "Wild Horses" by the Rolling Stones,
I remember you always loved that song,
You would play it in the background while on the phone.

On the way to the cemetery,
I saw something out of the corner of my eye,
A face in the clouds that looked just like yours,
Thats when I let it out and started to cry.

I laid on the ground beside your casket,
Begging to not let go,
Screaming "She never liked being alone! Don't put her in the dark!
I need her more than you'll ever know!"

Our parents had to fight to pull me away,
Saying things like "Sweetie, she's gone,"
"I need her to live!" I yelled at them,
"If I have to, I'm going along!"

Friends and family held me close,
Your little sister began to cry,
It was the wrong thing to do in front of hurting people,
Since an adolescent shouldn't say she wants to die.

After the burial, everyone left,
But I stayed, and they let me be,
When I was about to say my final goodbye,
In your gravestone I saw a reflection, it was one of...you standing next to me.

-Samantha Uelmen*2005