Things To Do At Wal Mart by Jessica Mathers
1.Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2.Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4.Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"
5.Try on bras over top of your clothes.
6. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms
7. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,
"I think we've got a Code 3 in House wares," and see what happens.
8.Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all on and turn the volumes to "10".
9.Play with the automatic doors.
10. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
11.While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this shit, anyway?"
12. Repeat Number 11 in the jewelry department.
13. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
14.Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
15. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
16. Put M&M's on layaway.
17. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
18. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
19. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
20. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
21. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
22. TP as much of the store as possible.
23. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
24. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
25. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
26. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
27. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
28. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
29. Take bets on the battle described above.
30. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
31. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible."
32. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
33. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
34. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
35. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
36. Two words: "Marco Polo."
37. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
38. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
39. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
40. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
41. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
42. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
43. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. "hi!!!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)."
44.When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
45.Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
46.Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
47. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
48. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
49. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they don't realize it!
50. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming."
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