Pearly Gates by Vanessa morris

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting
it up with St.Peter at the pearly gates when all of a
sudden she hears the most awful, blood-curdling
screams.

"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only
someone having the holes put into her shoulder blades
for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries
on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are
more bloodcurdling screams.

"Oh my God," says the old lady, "now what is
happening?"

"Not to worry," says St. >Peter, "she's just
having her head drilled to fit the halo."

"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to
hell."

"You can't go there," says St. Peter. "you'll be
raped and sodomized."

"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got
the holes drilled for that."